One Step Closer to Being PhinisheD

I get this question all the time: “How is your PhD going?” 

And truthfully, I’ve had no idea how it’s really been going until I began the dissertation phase of it in August 2021. Sure, there’s been coursework with letter grades along the way, but all of that has felt surreal. 

I’m writing this now to A) remind myself how I felt during the process after I am done, and B) to help anyone else who might be going through the same process or thinking of starting their PhD. 

I was accepted into my program (Curriculum and Instruction with a focus on Higher Education Administration) in Fall 2018. I had toyed with the idea for a couple of years, but I was really waiting to land somewhere that felt like the right place to pursue it. I’m somebody who operates mostly off of vibes (IYKYK), so I don’t have the exact words to describe what made the University of South Florida that place - it just felt right. Personally, professionally, and academically, things had aligned.

Receiving my acceptance letter in the spring of 2018 was a confirmation of the intelligence I felt I had and the insight I felt I could contribute to a higher education doctoral program. However, the first class I took as a part of my program that fall was entitled “Policy and Legal Dimensions of Higher Education.” And let me tell you - it was just as gnarly as the title reads. 

My classmates and colleagues in that class mostly came from student affairs roles either on campus at USF or at neighboring institutions. Many were second or third year PhD students and a few were K-12 administrators with years of professional experience. No matter their background, from day one it was obvious they had been in the field longer and just knew more than me. 

In simple terms: I was overwhelmed. 

It was my first “official” educational experience since I had completed my master’s degree at the University of Illinois nearly four years prior in December of 2014.

In that first semester of my PhD program and that first class, I wondered if I was cut out for it - if I was “PhD material” (whatever that means).  Impostor syndrome set in, and I wondered if I was the right age to pursue a PhD and whether I had enough professional and life experience to supplement my interest in getting a doctoral degree.

The thing about learning, though, is that it has no credentials — no pre-requisites or recommended past experiences. Learning only requires you to have a desire to learn on a continuous basis throughout your life. 

After what felt like a rough first semester (I survived my first PhD class and even earned an A – take that, Impostor Syndrome!), I felt a little more confident in myself. And like nearly every other “new” endeavor in my life, I eventually got the hang of it. I learned how to balance classes with my work schedule and my homework with my social life. I figured out how to navigate assigned readings in a way that allowed me to contribute during class sessions but didn’t make me feel bogged down. I picked research topics relevant to my career and professional aspirations; and when my interests faded on certain topics, I shifted my focus slightly to a new area of research that felt more relevant to me.

And then COVID hit. 

Early on, I had joked with a colleague that the old saying “be careful what you wish for” must had come true, as I had frequently wished during busy workweeks with multiple evening events and night classes, that our PhD program was online. 

Now, a year and a half of in-person (pre-COVID) coursework has been paired with nearly two years of online (post-COVID) coursework, and I’ve learned I prefer both in different ways. In-person coursework led to late nights and great discussions and brainstorming amongst classmates and colleagues, but online coursework allowed me the freedom and pace I often craved in the first year and a half of the program.

Nevertheless, my coursework came to an end in the summer of 2021, as I took and passed my Qualifying Exams to move from PhD student to PhD Candidate. It felt like a great accomplishment after completing coursework. 

The honeymoon was short, though. 

What I’ve discovered about the process since then is that the dissertation process is where the real work begins – the real testing of your mental aptitude and capacity. After passing my qualifying exams, I mentioned to a friend that I felt as though I had snuck through coursework undetected and now the PhD program director would surely realize how unqualified I truly am (welcome back, Impostor Syndrome).  

That wasn’t true, of course, but I have found that the sense of impending doom/impostor syndrome is just a natural part of the PhD progression. 

So often I can remember my coach in college saying we have no idea what we’re capable of. And while he meant it in the physical capacity — we could run farther than we thought, make plays on shanked passes, jump higher than we thought — his words are applicable in the mental sense as well. We’re all capable of so much more than we believe. I am so looking forward to the point of this journey where I look back at my finished dissertation and think, “Dang, I wrote that??? Look at me!” 

At this point in the process, I have completed my proposal pre-defense and am working on several updates and edits to my proposal, per the suggestions of my fabulous committee members. I’m eager to get to the “next step” of this process – my public proposal defense and IRB approval. That’s the part where I get to actually START conducting my own research, and I’m especially excited for that because I think my topic is really interesting and relevant (of course, I’m biased in saying so 😉). 

Here are some of the things that have helped me get to this point: 

• Mapping out a plan for coursework and tracking my progress. This looked as simple as a word document where I kept track of my completed and outstanding coursework and grades. 

• Choosing interesting research topics. I said this already, but it is SO much easier to read and write and research when you are interested in the topic. It feels much less like “work” and much more like fun professional development that way.

• Having a friend/colleague to go through it nearly step-by-step with. Shout out to my PhD buddy, future Dr. Rosemary Piedmont! 

• Leaning on my support system when I needed encouragement to keep going (or when I needed a fresh set of eyes on a paper - special thanks to my lead editor, Mama Onion).

For those of you who are mid-program, have just been accepted, or on the fence about applying to a program — stay the course and #KeepBlooming. I’ve often said that “Future Tayler” will thank me for not giving up during this process, and your future self will undoubtedly thank you, too.